


Blue Was Always Your Favorite

by Solar_Bri



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Insecurity, M/M, Sad, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 21:35:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9517142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solar_Bri/pseuds/Solar_Bri
Summary: Lance always felt the need to prove himself to the rest of his team. When Keith finally snaps at the trusting Blue Paladin, will he stay and fight harder than before? Or decide to leave for the good of the team?





	1. Leaving Would Be Easy

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first fic in the Voltron tag and I would love to know what you guys think! If you want to contact me, I'm over on tumblr at SolarEscapeArtist97 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> (Edit: I'm still trying to figure out the formatting so please bare with me.)

It was normal for the Paladins of Voltron to disappear into different parts of the castle alone. Designated by Allura as “safe zones”, these spots provided comfort for whoever chose them. Even Allura and Coran had their own. If someone couldn’t be found, their go to safe spot was the first place anyone looked. Surprisingly, Lance was the only one able to keep his favorite spot in the castle concealed from the others. No one even knew if he had one.

The loud boy always ended up in someone else’s personal pocket from the rest of the universe. When Pidge found herself in distress or alone, Lance would appear in the Green Lion’s hanger. He would stay as long as he felt Pidge needed him, listening intently to all of her theories about the history of Voltron. Free to speak openly, she shared her fears about her family. The blue paladin sat quietly while she spoke, understanding that sometimes people just needed time to vent. After enough time passed, Pidge wouldn’t feel so alone in her new surroundings.

She wasn’t the only one Lance visited either. If the sound of clattering pans drifted through the castle late at night, Hunk would find himself being pestered by his best friend. He would settle himself on a stool by the counter, poking the large boy for information. Puns would flow nonstop, drawing Hunk out of his sadness and back into the light.

Lance made sure above all else that his teammates didn’t feel alone in the big floating castle. Even Keith, stubborn, talented Keith, was paid a visit. What felt like hours would pass by, both boys pushing themselves to their limits on the training deck. It was easy for the Cuban boy to see how much Shiro’s absence affected the red paladin. Diplomatic matters, as well as Shiro’s growing relationship with Allura, pushed him far from the training rooms when necessary. Lance tried to fill the gap. He would deny his feelings for the hot headed, mullet sporting boy had anything to do with it. Even to himself.

Failure was something both the paladins and the Alteans knew was possible. Yet Lance fought to keep them optimistic. Everyone saw how hard he tried to keep them all together. However, they misread him. He allowed his brash confidence to wrap him like a blanket, shielding the others from his own weakness. It made him seem too bold or overly distracted. The only one who knew anything about his internal conflict over his self-worth was Keith. Their time training had drawn them closer together than Lance could have ever imagined. 

Despite knowing everything that his fellow paladin felt about his place in Voltron, even Keith was bound to slip up.

~

Four hours. The most recent battle with Zarkon lasted four long, grueling hours. It was meant to be a simple sweep of the star system they had already cleared. All hell broke loose when five Galran ships had appeared out of absolutely nowhere. What seemed like a difficult but surely one fight turned dire. Lance made the mistake of trying to take out a ship with a kick. Without the right leg of Voltron’s thrusters working alongside the left, they had spun out of control. The tailspin left them all disoriented and unable to avoid the blast from the main canon of the enemy ship. Immediately the five lions detached, 

“Get back to the castle!” Allura’s voice brought them out of their haze’s. Their lions jumped back into action, taking off to the main ship. 

They got away by the skin of their teeth. Exhausted and worn out, each Paladin retired to different parts of the castle. Lance was hyper aware of the glares he received each time he passed one of his teammates on their way to a well deserved rest. Shiro’s look of disappointment at his actions, Hunk’s inability to meet his gaze, and Pidge’s huff of irritation were thousand pound weights attached to his ankles. Yet Keith. His silence was the worst of all. He hadn’t even spared Lance a look of distaste. Instead the red paladin strode angrily down the hall towards the training deck. 

“Every. Single. Time.” The Altean substitute for water rushed around his head as he felt the tears begin to fall. He leaned his forehead against the cool tiles of the shower walls, pounding a fist once against the supportive surface. Quiet sobs rattled in his chest, forcing him to choke on the air around him. He tried so hard. He wasn’t a strong leader like Shiro, would never compare to Pidge’s intelligence, and Hunk was leagues above him when it came to shooting a gun. When Keith stood by him, any outsider could tell who was the better of the two. It pushed him to spend hours training with him, hoping that one day Keith would realize that he was worthy to earn his friendship. It didn’t have to be anything more. He didn’t have to love him. No one did really. He knew he wasn’t worth it. Helping the others fight Zarkon until they found a new blue paladin was the least he could do. 

Eventually the water began to run cold, leaving Lance shivering. He pressed his hand to the control panel to stop the icy sting. Silence wrapped around his head like a cloud without the rush of liquid in his ears. Grabbing his towel, he quickly wrapped his waist with the overly fluffy fabric. How the Alteans had managed to create the softest, most absorbent towel in history was still beyond him. 

Getting dressed was a chore and for the first time in what felt like years, he didn’t bother with more than his moisturizer. He needed to apologize to everyone. He had to make amends for what he’d done that day. It wasn’t the best idea to have Keith be the first person he went to, but he hadn’t heard the paladin pass by his door yet. He would still be immersed on the training deck, lost in his anger. Yet something drew the guilty boy to the other’s side like a magnet. Having feelings for someone that was so much better than him had to be unhealthy. He couldn’t escape it. Romance wasn’t something Lance had ever paired with Keith, but he was still the first one he wanted to run to when he had messed up.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t run to him in the past. When Lance had nearly been sucked out of an airlock, Keith seemed to shift into less of a hostile opponent. Someone the blue paladin once saw as his most distinguished rival, managed to become one of his closest friends. Their relationship still had its ups and downs. Lance knew he was annoying after awhile. That’s why he never stayed around the others for too long during their downtime. Once they seemed to be doing better and had their fill, he would leave. Sparring with Keith relieved what Lance could only assume was the other paladin’s distaste for him.

A month into their training sessions, something truly shifted. An argument , forgotten long ago, had lead to a truly vicious fist fight between the two. When the dust settled, Lance had admitted to Keith why he was so determined to prove himself to Shiro and the others. The pair traded insecurities easily, a bond growing strong between them. Lance knew it was only a matter of time before the other grew bored of him, but he still cherished every second he had with the boy he had begun to fall for. 

~

Keith nailed gladiator after gladiator as they poured onto the training deck. Despite his fatigue, his anger drove him to fight harder. Stupid, impulsive, insecure, Lance. If it hadn’t been for the Lion’s quick thinking, they could have all died out in space. They would have been forgotten, Zarkon taking over the rest of the universe easily with nothing in his way. If Lance could learn to reign in his stupid as fuck insecurities, they wouldn’t be having any problems!   
A bot approached him on the right, Keith shoving his bayard through its chest with a roar. It dissolved in pixelated static, revealing the object of Keith’s frustrations standing at the training deck door. Blue eyes met purple, and for a second the red paladin could have sworn he saw something different there. Just like that it was gone, replaced by Lance’s signature confidence. This only fueled the irritation rolling off of the raven haired boy. 

“Mullet! How’s training coming?” Keith hated that he could hear guilt layered beneath the gorgeous boys taunt. Shaking it off, he approached the training control panel. Footsteps shuffled along behind him, the intentional drag against the floor pushing him closer to yelling.

“Come on Keith!” Lance squeezed himself between his crush and the wall. He wiggled his eyebrows, intent on getting some sort of reaction out of the stubborn hothead. To his dismay, Keith turned to walk away, knowing that he was soon to lose his cool if Lance continued pushing.

“God dude.” Lance looked down at his nails, knowing he deserved the last nail in the coffin. “It was an accident.”

Keith froze. “An accident?” He whirled on Lance, eyes lit by something stronger than he expected. “Your stupid need to prove yourself, almost got us killed.” A force he hadn’t felt in a long time pushed him forward. The need to let everything go, pushed him forward. “You’re constantly talking about how worthless you feel, yet your desire to prove yourself fucks everything up!”

Lance attempted to back up, his back pressing flat against the wall. His eyes were wide as Keith got further into his personal space, those beautiful hands gripping his shoulder tightly.

“Keith please st-” Struggling didn’t help. There was no escaping Keith’s rage. Those purple eyes bore into him with so much pain.

“No! We don’t need someone like that on the team Lance!” Keith punctuated his words with an aggressive squeeze. “We don’t need someone like you!”

Regret filled Keith’s heart, as those bright, ocean blue eyes dulled. There was no longer the struggle of strong shoulders beneath his palms, instead a sort of weakened acceptance. Every word had landed like a heavy palm across Lance’s soft skin, leaving him broken. His head fell to his chest as he bore holes into Keith’s chest. The other released him from his hold as if he had been burned. 

“Lance I didn’t me-” 

“Stop.” The blue paladin stepped to the side and away from Keith’s now reaching hands. “I’m glad to know what you really think Keith.” He started making his way towards the door. “I really needed the insight.”

“Lance. Lance wait!” Keith reached to grab his arm, but recoiled when a glare too cold for the other boy to ever wear met him halfway. His hand dropped to his side, as Lance disappeared out of the training room, the red paladin left suffer his mistake in sudden silence.

“What did I just do?”

~

Dinner was much quieter without Lance. There were no grand stories to be told about the battle they had fought. Allura didn’t have to defend herself from a single pick-up line. It was as if the glue that had been keeping them so close together had dissolved into a suffocating awkwardness. Keith didn’t know if the others could feel it, but the empty chair beside him spoke volumes. He couldn’t help but wonder if the others picked up on the dimness of the room without the blue paladin there.

“Hey uh Hunk?” Keith hadn’t spoken for the larger part of the meal, choosing to remain silent as the others spoke quietly around them. Immediately, the yellow pajama clad boy perked up to look at him. He raised an eyebrow in a very Lance fashion. Mouth beginning to dry up, Keith pushed forward. 

“Where’s uh...where’s Lance?” 

A strange hush fell over the table. It was rare for Keith to question Lance’s whereabouts unless it had to do with training. Pidge watched him curiously, unsure of what his motives might be. 

“I went to check on him earlier, but he wouldn’t open the door. He said he was feeling pretty drained. You know how he is about his beauty sleep.” Hunk gave a smile, unphased by Keith’s curiosity. He had an idea that there may be more going on between the red and blue paladin then they were letting on. He figured it was still their business to share. “I’m sure he’ll be feeling much better tomorrow.”

Keith nodded before lapsing back into his silence. It wasn’t his place to push for more information. All he could do was wait for Lance to come back around again. It wouldn’t take long. The kid always bounced back.

~

In no time at all, three weeks passed. Lance finally accepted what he was to the paladins of Voltron. Despite everything he had done to prove himself, they didn’t take him seriously. Keith had laid everything he truly felt out in the open that day in the training room. He was annoying, insecure, weak, and useless. He decided to change himself for the sake of the team. 

He withdrew from the others, leaving a cold, empty chair next to Keith at meals. His lack of flirting with Allura was astounding. Instead of constantly throwing out pick-up lines, he said nothing at all. He didn’t even show up to meals, choosing to slip away to unexplored parts of the castle in silence. When Hunk tried to encourage him to spend time with the team, he claimed he was feeling homesick with a tight lipped smile. He would retreat to the darkness that was his room, the door locked resolutely behind him. 

Everyone tried to bring him out of his sudden shell. During training, he barely spoke to anyone. Occasionally he would warn someone to duck or to step to the side to avoid an attack, but otherwise he was mute. Keith tried more than once to apologize, but Lance would retreat from him, throwing himself into exercises without a word. 

“At least we’re getting some peace and quiet now!” Pidge tried to lighten the mood often, but when she finally joked about the absence of Lance’s quips, he had smiled before leaving the training room in a hurry. It broke the younger girl’s heart, filling her with concern over her older brother figure. She hadn’t missed the pain that had crossed his features.

What struck everyone the most, was Lance’s absence. Keith had assumed he was the only one being avoided, but after some investigating he discovered otherwise. Pidge sat alone with her thoughts in her Lion’s hangar, no one to crack wiseass comments beside her. When Hunk found himself drawn to the kitchen, there was no longer the reassuring presence of his best friend beside him. This pushed Keith to explore the castle more often, searching for the paladin that had once been so boisterous. Somehow, Lance was able to vanish into the seemingly endless hallways of the castle. It left Keith at a loss for words.

~

The day before everything truly went to shit was the hardest. Lance didn’t say a single word through an entire battle with Zarkon. He destroyed ship after ship without a single holler or exclamation. When they formed Voltron, his emotional distance was so evident, Keith couldn’t help but wonder if they would fall out of synchronization. It never happened. The blue paladin managed to reveal just enough to defeat the war ships. When the battle finally boiled down to a final blow, Lance handed over Shiro’s request to Hunk.

“Why don’t you take the final kick Lance?” Shiro’s voice was bright over the comm system, but Keith could feel the prickle of worry at the back of his mind. He had expected his fellow paladin to jump at the opportunity to show his abilities, but he was shocked into his own silence.

“Nah. Let Hunk have this one.” There was no emotion in Lance’s voice. He shifted the right leg of Voltron forward to allow Hunk the full arc he needed for the attack. Not wanting to allow time for recovery, the yellow paladin took the shot. The Galra ship was launched clear across the expanse of space, Voltron detangling quickly after. Keith watched Blue pull away from the others, the first to drift to the Castle of Lions. They all followed him, not a single person uttering a word.

Allura was waiting in excitement when they all returned to the common room freshly showered. Lance watched her bouncing on her toes, curious as to what had her so happy all of a sudden. 

“Paladins! To reward you for your fantastic fight today, Coran and I have come up with a special treat!” She held up an odd contraption. It looked like a mix between a modern Earth Play Station 4 and projector. “We’re going to watch movies!”

Pidge let out a squeal, shocking everyone! WIthout hesitating, she threw herself onto the couch gesturing for the others to join her. Hunk took a seat to her left, leaving a single space on the smaller couch. Keith looked to Lance, surprised to find the boy looking back at him expectantly. It was a challenge, something he had not been granted in what seemed like forever. A small, but completely genuine smile, graced Lance’s features. For the first time in a long time, he seemed like his old self. The red paladin felt a startling pressure in his chest. He couldn’t quite place the feeling, but it only intensified when Lance nudged him towards the couch. He was pushed onto the cushion next to Pidge who easily snuggled against his side. Lance sat on the floor between Keith’s knees, his head resting against the couch. 

Unsure of what to do with himself, Keith found his fingers carding through Lance’s hair as the movie started. Shock was still draining from his system at the taller boy’s sudden desire for physical contact. He wouldn’t question this change. As the movie drifted on, Keith hoped that this would become a permanent thing. Maybe Lance was actually getting better again. Maybe Keith would be able to apologize. Maybe…

~

When Keith awoke, it was to the sensation of being way too warm. Stretching his arms over his head, he felt Pidge readjust closer into his side. Not wanting to wake her, he gently shifted off of the couch. When he finally managed to wiggle out of his spot, the younger paladin flopped onto her side, eyes never opening. Keith chuckled quietly, leaning down to take off the round glasses still sitting on the small freckled nose turned towards him. He made his way into the kitchen, placing the eyewear on the counter. Shiro sat there, sleep filled eyes watching him fondly. 

“Good morning.” Shiro’s voice, much like his expression, was filled with that fuzzy quality that only appeared after a good night’s rest. Keith smiled in acknowledgment, wondering why something felt off about the scene before him. His head immediately snapped up to attention, eyes wide as he observed the people still sleeping in the common room. Hunk and Pidge still occupied the couch he had fallen asleep on, snoring gently. Coran sat with Allura’s head in his lap, his ability to sleep sitting completely straight was a little unnerving. There was someone missing.

“Where’s Lance?” He looked to Shiro expectantly who only shrugged. Keith felt something uncomfortable and heavy settle into his stomach. This wasn’t right. Something was very wrong. Without explaining himself, he shot away from where he was leaning against the counter. Barreling out of the kitchen, he made his way as quickly as possible to Lance’s room. He didn’t hesitate to open the door, figuring knocking wouldn’t do him any good. 

When he stepped into the blue paladin’s sleeping quarters, he was blown away by how spotless the room seemed to be. Gone was the pile of dirty clothes in the corner. The bed was made immaculately with not a single wrinkle in the sheets. There were no pairs of shoes lying around the normally messy room. Panic began to rise like lava in Keith’s throat. He darted out of the room and back to the common area. 

“Lance is missing!” His voice was filled with worry, the paladins and Alteans shuffling out of sleep. It was a rapid transition from sleepiness to utter horror. Everyone was up and searching the castle in a heartbeat, prepared to find Lance no matter what it took. Images from the night before kept running through Keith’s mind. He hadn’t questioned Lance’s lack of pajamas as he settled in with the other members of the castle. He hadn’t thought about why the distant paladin had suddenly been so open to physical affection. So many what if’s passed through Keith’s brain as he barreled his way to Blue’s hangar. 

He skidded to a stop. Blue sat stoic, her particle barrier shield wrapped around her. There was an overwhelming sense of sadness in the entire room. His eyes darted around, displeasure growing when he noticed the Blue Paladin army neatly resting in it’s designated spot. His eyes moved back to the Lion. It seemed to be gazing at him, demanding he answer it. Keith could feel the other Lion encroaching on his brain. It was a question. 

“Where is my paladin?” 

Keith was shocked at the protective energy the giant mechanical cat was giving off. It was tinged with fear so strong, Keith was surprised Red hadn’t barreled in to find out what was wrong. 

Keith turned tail from the hangar, covering the distance between the Lion hangars to the regular cruisers in less than two minutes. When he skidded to a halt in front of the doors, he was met with the most horrifying sight he could find. 

The last cruiser was missing. In its place, was Lance’s bayard, six envelopes with the other’s names on them, and a brand new pair of fingerless gloves. Keith dropped to his knees his heart racing in his chest. It was his fault. This was all his fault. He could have stopped this. What was going to happen now? What happened to the boy he so badly wanted to call his own?

Lance McClain, the one and only Blue Paladin of Voltron, was gone.


	2. Lance's Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance says goodbye, Pidge is a genious, Keith may or may not cry, and Coran is everyone's favorite relative in a crisis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey guys. It's been like a year. I promise I didn't die. I was extremely discouraged about my writing for awhile. I'm still over on tumblr as SolarEscapeArtist97 so if you wanna come say hi you can! Hopefully I'll be posting more frequent updates from here on out

Gravitational pulls were something Keith had become accustomed to over the two years he had spent travelling in space. Yet the envelopes laid out on the ground in front of him practically dragged him to his knees. Each one matched the paladin they were intended for, all of their names written in a surprisingly elegant cursive. Predictably, the gloves rested on the bright red letter. Keith reached out and gingerly picked one of them up. They were soft, yet tougher than the ones he was wearing in the moment. He couldn’t help but let his mind wander to when Lance would have even had the time to find something so similar to what he already owned. He looked back down at his envelope, noticing the “i” in his name was dotted with a sweet little heart.  
This shouldn’t be affecting him as much as it was. Lance was his rival. He had always just been his rival. When had those feelings changed? Instead of seeing him as someone to fight against, Keith had started seeing him as a valuable ally. They had been through so much together. Maybe they were more than just allies. Or at least, that’s what Keith was beginning to hope for. Something twisted behind his ribs, forcing him to take in a shaky breath. He’d fucked up. He had truly fucked up.  
“Keith?” Pidge’s voice was small behind him. Yet it was the anchor he needed to gather all of the envelopes, tuck the gloves into his back pocket, and stand. He set his shoulders before turning to face her. Unsurprisingly, the rest of the team stood beside her. Keith looked over his makeshift family, wishing there were five people standing before him instead of five. In that moment, he saw what the loss of Lance would do to each of them. Pidge was looking back and forth between the missing pod and the envelopes in Keith’s hands. She was losing a brother figure. Someone to make her laugh even when she was at her worst.  
Hunk would have it even worse. He never went into explicit detail about how long he had know the Blue Paladin, but Keith could take a guess from the young man’s expression. So many emotions passed across his features, and unable to hold Keith’s gaze, he looked to the floor. Guilt creeped up the raven haired boy’s spine as he watched two of his closest friends crumble just a little bit more.  
He couldn’t imagine what Shiro might be feeling. The man was looking at him expectantly, arms crossed at his chest. Allura stood close at his side, Coran right behind her. Keith was suddenly hit with the realization that he did this. He pushed Lance the last little bit that it took to make him leave. His words pushed someone so loving and loyal to do something as drastic as launch himself into space alone. His grip on the letters tightened, the crinkle of paper audible to the others. His voice was gone. Keith had nothing to say, so he stood there, tears beginning to well in his eyes. It took Coran stepping forward to break the tension in the room.  
“Are those for us dear boy?” His voice was calm as he addressed the Red Paladin. Keith shook his head yes, handing over the letters. He kept the red one for himself, pulling it against his chest. Coran passed each of the paladins as well as Allura their envelopes. His own was cream with orange mustaches drawn all over it, the gesture bringing a smile to his face.  
“Is Lance...gone?” Allura’s voice was smaller than usual, her eyes darting from the pink parchment in her hand to the blue bayard still laying on the ground. Keith could only nod. He wanted to say something, but words still escaped him. “Voltron cannot form without it’s fifth paladin...someone must pilot the Blue Lion!” Her voice cracked at the end, anger seeping into her words. “How could he have left us like this? How dare he throw away the lives of so many innocents…” Something sad settled in her expression to replace the rage burning there. “Why didn’t he talk to us about this?” She looked to Shiro for answers. She seemed to be holding back tears. “How did we not see how much he was hurting?”  
There was silence amongst the six of them. The problem was that they had. All of them had seen it. In the quiet meals, the lack of classic flirting, and the absence of Lance overall he had been showing them exactly how much pain he was in. Yet, they ignored it. Hell, they had embraced the lack of his obnoxious behavior for a little while. The night before had been the first time things seemed like they were going back to normal.  
Not wanting to wait much longer on finding a solution, Coran stepped forward, placing a hand on Pidge’s messy hair. He messed it up even further by ruffling it with a smile.  
“Now Pidge. Can you track the ship that Lance took? If we can locate his ship, we can attempt bringing the old boy home.”  
The youngest paladin nodded once. Reaching out, she tugged on Hunk’s arm. The big guy followed her wordlessly over to the control panel at the corner of the room. They started working together to search for the different tracking software. Coran watched, a brief smile gracing his stoic expression.  
“Now, Allura and I will search for a hopefully abandoned star system to hide ourselves in to begin the search. Now would be the absolute worst time to run into any Galra.”  
Keith watched the Alteans leave the room, but he could feel Shiro’s eyes on him. When he looked up, the Black Paladin was indeed staring at him. Keith rubbed the back of his neck under the intense glare.  
“So, would you like to tell me what happened?” His voice was curious, but he looked knowingly at the shorter paladin. Keith let his gaze flit around the room, unable to settle on his leader’s face. “You ran to the shuttles almost as if you knew this is where Lance might have been.”  
The Red Paladin sighed. “I may have said something to Lance after our last big encounter with Zarkon…” He crossed his arms to match Shiro’s posture, the envelope warm against his skin. “It wasn’t the nicest thing I’ve ever said to him. Hell, it may have been the worst.” He thought back to that day. The pain in Lance’s eyes when he’d finished yelling at him was a look Keith had never wanted to see. He only wanted to make his friend happy. Before Lance had started withdrawing from the team, Keith had started to think he was verging on best friend territory. Instead of honoring that privilege, he’d destroyed it.  
“I lost control and snapped at him. Shiro what have I done? I told him we didn’t need someone with insecurities like his. I played out his worst fears.” There was a lump forming at the back of his throat again. “I made him feel worthless. What kind of friend am I?”  
Scowls suit Shiro’s features oddly well for someone with such a positive outlook on life. It was one of the scariest looks for him to have especially in that moment. He didn’t say anything in response to Keith’s explanation. He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a long sigh.  
“I’m angry that you let your frustrations out on Lance and I think you should take the chance to reflect on what you’ve done. However,” he dropped his hand, shoulders drooping, “You are not the only one to blame. As a team, we let Lance down by not looking into his behavior. I would like for you to go read whatever he has written you. If it has any information that we could use to find him, please report back.” He laid a hand on Keith’s shoulder. “If there isn’t, I would like you to refrain from joining in the search for now. That includes any trips in Red while we are looking.”  
There was no room for argument in Shiro’s tone. Keith nodded in understanding before exiting the hangar. The inability to help fix what he had broken would have been enough of a punishment, but there was still a goodbye letter resting between his fingers. As he walked towards his room, he could only imagine what Lance could have said. Would he yell at him? Call him a horrible friend? If he did, the Red Paladin deserved it. Keith had turned things said in confidence into a weapon. Despite Lance being his biggest supporter through everything, he had used the worst possible thing against him. When everyone found out about Keith’s Galran heritage, the Blue Paladin had accepted him immediately. There was no difference in his team mate. Instead, he had a much more in depth understanding of why Keith was the way he was. 

 

When he reached his room, Keith hesitated for a moment before opening his door. He settled on his bed, turning the letter over and over again between his hands. Finally, he reached under the pillow for his knife. The paper was slit open easily. For a moment, Keith wondered how Lance had even gotten ahold of the paladins’ signature colors or even paper to begin with.  
The note slid out easily, folded into three even pieces. There were two sheets front to back in Lance’s loopy handwriting. Even though Keith had seen how the other boy had written everyone’s names, the feminine handwriting came as a surprise. He held his breath as he opened the paper carefully and began to read. 

Hey.  
I know what you’re thinking. Leaving a letter is really cliche. You shouldn’t be surprised by this though. The comic relief, the light hearted idiot. You managed to see past that though. After you told me you were part Galra, I realized that I wasn’t the only one with issues. I mean everyone has issues, but you had serious issues like me. From that point on, we didn’t really give each other a choice in opening up about stuff. It was stupid of me to think that it would get me anywhere.

Keith could feel tears beginning to form again, but he pushed on trying to absorb everything Lance had written.

What you said, that whole situation? It felt like it was pulled right out of my nightmares. To be honest, it was the hardest truth for me to swallow. This team. This makeshift family was something I was never truly a part of. I liked to pretend I was. Pretending I meant something hurt so much more though. This team needs someone without insecurities like mine. The MICE would make a bigger difference piloting Blue than I would. 

An ugly mix of guilt, anger, and pure regret began to fester low in Keith’s stomach as he kept reading. Lance had no faith in himself. Absolutely none. He couldn’t understand why.

Please know that this isn’t your fault. I know you tried to apologize. I’d already made my decision before we’d even gotten into that stupid argument. That was meant to be more of a goodbye than anything else. It’s not like Blue can’t find another pilot. Allura could even pilot her if she wanted to. IF not, you’re probably close enough to the next star system by now to start searching for someone new. Voltron must go on even if I am not a part of it. It will probably be better off without me anyway. But uh, make sure you’re sitting for this last bit. It might be a lot to handle.

He wanted to stop reading. He wanted to turn back time and stop the words from ever coming out of his mouth that even hinted at Lance not being a good part of the team. He wanted reassure him that he wasn’t replaceable.

Remember the night we talked about somehow finding love out in space? You told me you were afraid you would never find it. And then you asked me about Allura and why I tried so hard. I said she was perfect and I could love her forever. In that moment, I thought there was disappointment in your eyes. Well, I lied. Not about Allura being perfect because honestly, have you SEEN her hair? I lied about loving her. I could never love Allura because I fell to hard for you.

Jaw dropped, Keith read over the passage again and again. He fell for me? He FELL FOR ME AND RAN AWAY?

I fell for your eyes. Seriously dude, when the light hits them just right, it’s like looking into a galaxy. When you look at me with determination in training, I fall a little bit harder. I fell for your laugh. It was worth every embarrassing moment to hear you snort, because it’s rare that you’re relaxed enough to laugh. So yeah, that’s everything I guess. Please don’t look for me. IF that’s the last request I make, please follow it. Plus, I don’t know if I could handle seeing everyone after they read their letters.

Love,  
Your Favorite Paladin  
(P.S. I hope you like the gloves. They’re custom made and have extra grips for training)

Keith didn’t realize he was crying until a tear slipped onto the paper in his hands. The blue ink of Lance’s final sign off begins to run down the page just a little bit. He sets the letter aside, pulling the gloves out of his pocket. He wipes at his eyes with his empty hand before looking down at the soft fabric in his hands. Pulling them on is like pulling on a second skin. They fit perfectly, forming to his palms as if he had been wearing them for years. When he looks down to adjust the straps, he notices a little red paw print stitched into each glove on the inside of his wrists. 

Without any shame, Keith for the first time since losing his father all those years ago, starts to sob.


	3. The Heat of the Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A final goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that I am bad at posting consistently and I am sorry that my style has changed dramatically since the beginning! I may go back and rewrite chapters 1&2 at some point. If you lovely humans have any advice on how to fix formatting please let me know in the comments!
> 
> As always I'm over on tumblr as Solar_Bri and I have a twitter now as well!
> 
> Enjoy everyone and let me know what you think.

As a child, Lance had a reoccurring dream of being embraced by the stars above Veradero beach. In his sleep, he would float in the ocean, pinpricks of light reflecting off the water he called home. A vastness still waiting to be explored, would coil down from the sky in elegant plumes of purple hued smoke. Wrapping around him, their tight yet gentle embrace would lift him far away from Earth. He would watch as the sand, the lights, and the loneliness in his heart would disappear far below him. A moon, beautiful and full, would float past him as well until there was nothing but silence. A blanket of darkness would embrace him as he stared down at the small cloud spotted orb far below. It would feel like a new kind of home. One filled with endless possibilities. 

 

Suspended in darkness, the ever present knowledge that he might die sitting in the back of his skull, Lance’s love for space shrank away. Without a team surrounding him, his resolve crumbled. It didn’t help that the temperature was rapidly dropping. In an effort to conserve as much fuel as possible, he had turned off the regulator. Being comfortable was less important than getting home. 

 

A full 24 hours had passed since he had stolen the escape pod. Disappearing into the night had felt rather dramatic, but if he was going to make an exit, the least he could do was be dramatic. He had expected them to notice sooner or later, but within six hours of his departure something unfamiliar barrelled into his conscious like a bat out of hell. 

To say he had not been expecting Red, was an understatement. She was hot. Even in the recesses of his brain, he could feel the heat coming off of her presence in waves. A sun could have settled in the middle of his chest with her there, and it would feel like diving into an icy pool. He could not understand how Keith dealt with this on a daily basis. Blue was an ever present calming entity that gave him affection when he needed it. She did not in fact try to burn out his insides, while yelling at him for making bad decisions. He started to think leaving had been a bad idea.

“You’re just realizing this now?” Her voice was gruff compared to Blue’s smooth tone, only adding to the chaos of Lance’s young mind. At least he had been able to ignore Blue. Her concerns were small whimpers compared to the ringing in his ears everytime the other lion spoke. 

“I don’t even know how you made your way into my brain Red. Mind your own pilot.” 

His words were met with a different wave of emotion. He had never felt anger in its purest form, but now it slithered up his spine with a vengeance.

“My paladin will suffer without you cub. That is why I am here.”

Sadness quickly followed her words, curling around him this time. It was a sobering sensation.

He had a feeling from the very beginning that Keith would take it the hardest. His crush had tried, every day for a month to apologize to Lance for his behavior that fateful day. He had ignored him for the sake of his own feelings and ego. He admitted to himself that there were points where he could have accepted the words the other teenager had tried to say to him. He didn’t. He let it all simmer in his heart until there was nothing to cling on to anymore. Both of them gripped on to their secrets, but it was odd. Sharing them had become common place.

When Lance had watched Keith attempt to sacrifice himself one too many times, he had snapped. Refusing to let the other see himself as a pawn, he began training just a little extra every day. His excuse? Hand to hand combat. His rival was the best on the ship, therefore the perfect teacher. A teacher, who at first had been entirely confused, but after awhile had begun looking forward to their sessions. Smiles came easier. They very quickly went from arguing with animosity to innocent bickering. It was a breath of fresh air to the ship. Everyone felt the shift, and even forming Voltron started to take less effort. It became common knowledge that if Lance was in a room, Keith would follow soon after and vice versa. 

They had started talking about their insecurities. 

Lance admitted that it was entirely an accident. A diplomacy mission that they all had assumed would go smoothly had ended in disaster. Overexertion combined with the homesickness sitting heavily in his chest, the blue paladin retreated to the furthest ends of the castle. He’d found a room high up in the ancient structure with one wall made entirely of glass. It looked out on the endless darkness of space, the few stars little pinpricks in a never ending blanket of black. He found comfort in feeling so small. When overwhelmed with his reality, he would escape the expectations put on him. Keith just happened to be searching for the same thing.

Curled beneath the thickest blanket he owned, Lance had cried quietly staring out at this forced existence. He hadn’t been expecting the gentle pressure of a hand on his shoulder, or the soft “Lance?” that followed. His friend’s voice had been so gentle, filled with unspoken questions and concerns. When he looked up into the red paladin’s eyes, he wasn’t met with pity. Instead, there was the weight of understanding. He wasn’t alone in that moment and he couldn’t be more grateful. 

They had talked for hours afterwards. In those moments, something shifted. It was small, but they had reached common ground for the first time since entering space. Things only escalated following that quiet night of nearly silent whispers about home and nightmares. The thought of his own fears being used against him had never crossed his mind. Keith spoke in anger at times, not thinking about what came out of his mouth, but he’d gone over a solid line. 

Sighing, Lance pinched the bridge of his nose between long fingers. Red’s anger was already beginning to flare, but he’d made his decision. He wasn’t going back.

“Red, Keith will be fine.” His heart sank a little lower. “The team will be fine.”

 

~

 

Space could be boring. Lance came to the realization faster than he had expected. In those moments, drifting alone in an escape pod, he finally understood true silence. There was no music, or the sound of his teammates going about their day. Even the mice would have been a welcome distraction with their small squeaks. The lions, who at first were very vocal about their irritation, had faded away the longer he had been alone. Their aura’s weakening had drawn his thoughts to whether or not their connections could be severed over too long of a distance. As giant sentient spaceships, he wasn’t surprised when they could find each other using long standing bonds. It was up in the air whether the same could be done for the paladins. If he’d known for sure he would see Pidge again, he would ask her to test it. 

A purr of comfort rumbled through his conscious as his thoughts drifted. Even with his choice to abandon Voltron, Blue still continued to reach out to ease his anxiety. It was weakened, but it was still there. He could tell that she was distracted, an edge of concern underlying her comfort. 

He looked down at the dashboard of his pod. Three days had passed since he had left, but it had felt so much longer. There was no solid concept of time without the Castle’s automated light system to go off of. It made sleeping more difficult then it had ever been. With barely any room for supplies, Lance had sacrificed having a cot to rest in. Instead he lay curled in the cold pilot’s chair, his warmest blanket tucked around his shoulders. His dreams shifted from the comfort of Veradero beach, into a never ending cycle of Keith. His face was filled with anguish, the blue paladin’s name rolling off his tongue in a sob of desperation. 

“I’m sorry I’m sorry. Please. Please come home.”

He started avoiding sleep. 

 

~

 

Slowly, a full week passed. Lance brushed a hand over his face, the bags below his eyes growing darker and darker with every passing day. There were no planets, no places to rest, and a slowly unending acceptance growing in the pit of his stomach. The indicator for his fuel dipped lower each minute, an alarmed beeping alerting him to the dangerous levels it was reaching. He had hoped there would be somewhere to stop when he first decided to leave. His hopes would mean nothing when the engine ran dry.

 

~

 

A dull, insistent red glow pulsed through the cabin. Lance wasn’t sure how long it had been since the alarm had stopped. He only knew that there was no longer a purr from the engines beneath him. If anyone had passed by his ship, it would look abandoned. There were no lights, no calls for help, just silence. Emergency power only lasted so long, the fresh oxygen sweeping through the space growing staler. Glancing down, he was met with the heart crushing knowledge that he only had 10 hours of power to heat and push oxygen through his suit. He couldn’t risk the pressure or cold outside of his ship. For the first time in his 18 years, Lance began to lose hope. 

 

~

 

Time became irrelevant the moment Lance realized he would never make it home. There was no more fuel, no more power, and the oxygen meter on his suit read 10 minutes in cold turquoise. Never had a color looked so empty in his eyes. The letters he had written haunted his thoughts. He would admit that some of his words were bitter, but each one of those addressed notes was a piece of him. It would be the last piece of him that any of his teammates held between their hands. He was almost glad that he wouldn’t see any of them again. 

So many secrets were scrawled across paper, most of which he would have never shared if he was going to speak with them again. At the thought of seeing their faces, he started to cry. It was a silent slip of tears down his cheeks. Pulling his knees to his chest, he rested his forehead against them. Labored breathing filled his ears, accompanied by the sound of water hitting the inside of his face mask. He reached out to Blue one last time.

“B-blue? You there girl? I’m sorry I let you down.” He hiccuped. “I’m sorry I let the team down.” He had not reached out on his own to the lions since that very first day. To his surprise, it was Red who answered first. Instead of an all consuming fire, he was met with a warmth he could only describe as home, filling his body. Sadness was hinted at its edges, but it was overall loving. 

Blue followed soon after, her grip on his mind prodding and persistent. It felt like she was gripping his soul, refusing to let go. He cried harder at how much they truly cared for him. 

With oxygen dwindling to nothing, he sent an image to Red. One of Keith laughing happily at something he’d once said, was pushed onto the lion. It was a farewell. A wish for the person he loved to find what he had always wanted.

Eyes drifting closed, the beeping of his suit echoing around the cabin, Lance spoke his last words.

“Take care of him Red.”

 

~

 

Hey Buddy!  
This isn’t how I thought I would say goodbye. I pictured fanfare and cake and Keith staring at me lovingly as I wondered into the great beyond.

I thought it wouldn’t be something I would have to say. I mean, we could die any day fighting the war, but the reality of it never mattered. I was surrounded by people who cared. If I died or if any of us died, it would have been for the greater good. Not from something stupid I hope. Yet here I am. Leaving. It was hard coming to this decision. I kept thinking, that my problems weren’t relevant enough to justify leaving, but I started to feel like I wasn’t part of the team anymore. Keith and Shiro have their bond, weird as it may be, Allura and Coran have known each other for thousands of years, and you have Pidge. Team Punk. I became something of a liability in the past couple months. I couldn’t drag you down anymore.  
But I will never forget our friendship or what you’ve done for me. From the very first day I met you, I knew we would be together for a long time. Who else would walk up to the one Cuban kid who doesn’t speak a lick of English and decide that he was the best candidate for a friend? Language barrier be damned. You helped get through the Garrison. You helped me get through my feelings for Keith and my feelings for Allura. I will never forget you. Please don’t forget me.  
Do me a favor? Take care of them for me. The team I mean. Shiro has horrible nightmares that he thinks no one knows about. You have to check up on him every once in awhile. Allura needs time to talk about Altea or she starts to forget where she came from. It was a secret I had no idea she would bestow on me, but I’m now passing it onto you. Pidge misses her brother. A lot. Play video games with her if you notice she disappears more often than usual. And Keith. Keith will practice until his fingers bleed. Make him take breaks. Please. It’s the last thing I’ll ever ask of you. 

Thank you Hunk. You’re my best friend and I love you dude. When you make it home, come find me! You’ll know where I’ll be.  
Love,  
Lance


End file.
